Jason Kelce for PA State Treasurer? Gems from Philly's 2024 write-in report

Tuesday, I learned on Twitter (shoutout to @PHLEaglesNation) that the Philadelphia City Commissioners release a write-in report for every major election on their website. 

The write-in report for the Nov. 2024 general election is 218 pages long. I read through the entire thing so you don't have to. It's rife with Philly athletes, fictional characters, famous people and deceased famous people.

Unless specified otherwise in parentheses, each name received one vote.

Here are the funniest names I saw:

President and Vice President of the United States

Athletes/sports media: 

Howie Roseman / Big Dom, Jalen Hurts (2), Jason Kelce (4), Jason Kelce / Travis Kelce, 94.1 WIP host Joe DeCamara, Jordan Love, Lamar Jackson, LeBron James (4), FOX 29 talent Natalie Egenolf, Nick Foles, Peyton Manning, Saquon Barkley (2), Tim Tebow

Famous people:

Alice Cooper, Dave Chapelle, John Cena (2), Jon Stewart, Kanye West (5), RuPaul Charles

Deceased famous people:

Aretha Franklin, Franklin Delano Roosevelot (yes, spelled like that), Fred Rogers, John F. Kennedy Jr. (2), Karl Marx, Thomas Jefferson

My personal favorites from this section are the Howie Roseman / Big Dom ballot, Joe DeCamara somehow receiving a vote for president, and the Mr. Rogers vote.

United States Senator

Athletes:

Antonio Brown, Chase Utley, Jalen Hurts, Jordan Love, Paul Skenes, Randy Orton

Fictional characters:

Frank Gallagher (Shameless), Jack Frost, Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants), Quandale Dingle

Famous people:

Kanye West (2), Playboi Carti, Seth McFarlane, Tom Hanks

Deceased famous people:

Frederick Douglass, Jack Daniels

I have watched Shameless. I would not want Frank Gallagher in any kind of elected office. I do highly respect the Seth McFarlane vote, though!

Attorney General

Athletes:

Cody Rhodes, Jalen Brunson, Joel Embiid, Jordan Love, LeBron James, Nick Foles, Saquon Barkley

Fictional characters:

Bruce Wayne (Batman)

Famous people:

Ariana Grande, Kanye West (4), Playboi Carti, Snoop Dogg

Deceased famous people:

Harriet Tubman, Hulk Hogan, James Earl Jones, Vladimir Lenin

Playboi Carti appears again! Also, it looks like someone voted Green Bay Packers QB Jordan Love up and down their ballot. He appears numerous times. That's an A+ troll from an apparent cheesehead in Philly.

Auditor General

Athletes:

Francisco Lindor, Jalen Hurts, Joe Burrow, Joe Hendry, Jordan Love, Marshawn Lynch

Famous people:

Bob Dylan, Kanye West (3)

Deceased famous people:

Benjamin Franklin

I believe in Joe Hendry.

State Treasurer

Athletes/sports media:

Aaron Rodgers, AJ Brown, Alec Bohm, Allen Iverson, Bryce Harper, Eli Manning, Jalen Hurts, Jason Kelce, Jordan Love, Kyrie Irving, Lamar Jackson, LeBron James, Saquon Barkley, NFL RedZone host Scott Hanson

Famous people:

Anne Hathaway, Chappell Roan, Hugh Jackman, Jerry Seinfeld, Kanye West (3), RuPaul Charles

Deceased famous people:

Benjamin Franklin, Karl Marx (2), Kwame Ture

The Scott Hanson vote is incredible. I would trust that man to be state treasurer.

Representatives in Congress - 2nd & 3rd Districts

Now we're starting to get to some of the quality write-ins.

Athletes/coaches/sports media:

Aaron Nola, Al Horford, Allen Iverson, Ben Simmons, Bryce Harper (11), Chase Utley, Donte DiVincenzo, Dwight Howard, Garrett Stubbs, Jake Elliott, Jalen Hurts (9), Jason Kelce (13), Jayson Tatum, Joel Embiid (4), Juan Soto, Kenny Pickett, Kyle McCord, Kyle Pitts, Kyle Schwarber (2), LeBron James (4), Matt Ryan, Nick Castellanos, Nick Saban, Nick Sirianni, Reed Blankenship, Saquon Barkley (5), Taijuan Walker, ESPN Eagles reporter Tim McManus, Tim Tebow

Fictional characters:

Bruce Wayne (Batman), Peter Griffin (Family Guy), Peter Parker (Spider-Man), Tony Soprano (The Sopranos), Walter White (Breaking Bad), Yakko Warner (Animaniacs)

Famous people:

Adam Sandler, Charlie Day, Dolly Parton (2), 50 Cent, Future, J Cole, Jack Black, Jake Paul, Jesse Ventura, Kanye West (12), Kendrick Lamar, Kylie Kelce, Laura Dern, Meek Mill, Neil Young, Quinta Brunson, Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Harvey, Steven A. Cohen, Sylvester Stallone

Deceased famous people:

Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin (2), Eddie Van Halen, George Washington (2), Hulk Hogan, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Winston Churchill

First of all, known Philly guy Kyle McCord got a vote for Congress five months before he was even drafted by the Eagles. That's pretty cool. Second of all, the Yakko Warner vote is hilarious. Third of all, a Taijuan Walker vote in Nov. 2024 is absolute sicko behavior and I love it.

Senator in the General Assembly - 1st, 3rd, 5th & 7th Districts

Athletes/coaches: 

Antonio Brown, Brian Dawkins, Brian Westbrook, Bryce Harper (13), Chase Utley (2), Connor Barwin, Curt Cignetti, DeVonta Smith, Dylan Crews, Greg Olsen, Howie Roseman, Jalen Brunson (2), Jalen Hurts (6), Jason Kelce (10), Jerry Garcia, 94.1 WIP host Joe Giglio, Joel Embiid (5), John Middleton, Jordan Love, Jordan Mailata, Kenny Pickett, Kyle Schwarber, L'Jarius Sneed, LeBron James (2), Matvei Michkov, Mike Tomlin, Mike Tyson (2), Nick Saban (2), Nick Sirianni, Paul George, Pete Alonso, Pete Rose, Rasul Douglas, Reed Blankenship, Saquon Barkley (5), Shohei Ohtani, Tim McManus, Tyrese Maxey (2), Von Hayes

Fictional characters:

Jon Snow (Game of Thrones), Wakko Warner (Animaniacs), Ghost Rider (Marvel Comics), Remy LeBlanc (Gambit, X-Men), Wade Wilson (Deadpool, Marvel Comics), "Blorbo Bleebus", "Skibidy Toilet", Jean Luc Picard (Star Trek), Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)

Famous people:

Alice Cooper, Bob Dylan, Emma Stone, 50 Cent, Jeff Goldblum, Jesse Ventura, John Cena, Kanye West (4), Kylie Kelce, Mick Jagger, Lil Durk (2), Dr. Oz, Morgan Wallen, Savannah James, Trixie Mattel

Deceased famous people:

Benjamin Franklin (2), Bob Ross, Michael Jackson, Nikola Tesla

Rasul Douglas has not played for the Eagles since 2020. Curt Cignetti is the head coach at Indiana University. L'Jarius Sneed is a former Kansas City Chiefs cornerback who grew up in Louisiana and seemingly has no ties to the Philadelphia region whatsoever. These are deep, deep cuts, people!

I'm also particularly fond of "Blorbo Bleebus." If you're gonna throw away your vote, at least be funny while you're doing it.

Representative in the General Assembly - 10th, 170th, 172nd-175th, 177th-182nd, 184th-186th, 188th, 190th-192nd, 194th-195th, 197th-198th, 200th-203rd Districts

Yup, you read that right. Our finale encompasses 26 different districts. I've pared the names down as much as I possibly can. Have fun!

Athletes/coaches:

Aaron Judge, Aaron Nola (2), AJ Brown, Allen Iverson (5), Andy Reid, Anthony Richardson, Antonio Brown, Babe Ruth, Brandon Marsh, Bronny James, Bryce Harper (8), Caitlin Clark, Cam Ward, Carson Wentz (2), Ceedee Lamb, Chase Utley, Cooper DeJean, Curt Cignetti, Derek Jeter, Francisco Lindor (2), Greg Olsen, Jack Hughes, Jalen Brunson, Jalen Hurts (12), Jason Kelce (19), Jerry Rice, Jimmy Rollins, Joe Burrow, Joe Flacco, Joel Embiid (5), John Elway, Jordan Love, Josh Hart, Kirk Cousins, Kyle Schwarber, LeBron James (5), Mike Tyson (2), Nick Castellanos (2), Nick Foles (3), Nick Saban (2), Nick Sirianni, Pete Rose, Reed Blankenship, Ricky Council, Saquon Barkley (12), Shohei Ohtani, Tony Hawk, Tyrese Maxey, Wardell Stephen Curry II

Fictional characters:

Ronald McDonald, Saul Goodman (2, Better Call Saul), "Jimberly Jawnas", Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation), Bruce Wayne (Batman), Tony Soprano (The Sopranos), Jon Snow (Game of Thrones), Jotaro Kujo (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure), Michael Scott (The Office), Son Goku (Dragon Ball)

Famous people:

Barbra Streisand, Barron Trump, Bill Nye (2), Bob Dylan, Chaka Khan, Charlie Sheen, Donna Kelce, Dr. Oz, 50 Cent, Gillie Da Kid, Jack Harlow, Jeon Jungkook, Jesse Ventura, John Cena (2), Johnny Depp, Jon Stamos, Kanye West (10), Kendrick Lamar, Kenny Chesney, Kid Rock, Mark Wahlberg, Mike Myers (2), Meek Mill, Michael B. Jordan, Michael Keaton, Mick Jagger, Misha Collins, Nicki Minaj, Playboi Carti, Questlove, Sabrina Carpenter, Snoop Dogg, Sylvester Stallone, Theo Von

Deceased famous people:

Benedict Arnold, Benjamin Franklin (5), Charles Manson, Dwight Eisenhower, Eddie Van Halen, Elvis Presley, Genghis Khan, George Orwell, George Washington Carver, Harriet Tubman, John Wayne, Kurt Cobain, Tammy Faye, Thomas Jefferson (2)

People definitely had fun with this one. There's a lot to cover. Kudos to the Ricky Council IV vote. Gillie Da Kid got a vote. Someone spelled out Steph Curry's entire legal name. The Tony Hawk vote is elite. And to the person in the 188th District who voted for Kirk Cousins, do you want your elected representative to get paid big bucks for doing a so-so job?!

Overall, the 218-page document was a fun read! There were definitely a lot of repeats, notably Jason Kelce (48), Bryce Harper (33) and Jalen Hurts (32). 

(Kanye ended with 43 votes, for anyone who was curious.)

Philadelphia, your sense of humor is unmatched.